Waking as the sun came through the window of my apartment, I open my eyes and sit up begrudgingly, wiping at my eyes. I wasn't a morning person but it seems my job calls for me to be one. "Stupid fucking job," I whisper to myself as I leave the comfort of my bed and make my way down the hall.
Making it to the kitchen, I smile seeing both of my room mates already up and looking as pissed as I feel.
"Nice to know I'm not the only one who hates early mornings," I laugh as I walk to the fridge and open it, finding a jug of orange juice. Taking the jug out I put it on the counter as I get a glass down from one of the cabinets.
"I don't think anyone likes early mornings," Jonathan, my male roommate speaks up from the table he is sitting at.
I shrug and pour myself a glass of orange juice once I have the glass down. After the orange juice is poured I smile feeling Hannah take the jug from me, "Actually," I say taking a drink of my orange juice. "My brother Zaac has always been a morning person," I laugh as I remember how Zac always had a habit of waking everyone up early when he lived at home.
Jonathan snorts some at my words, "Zac is a special breed," he shrugs before picking up the newspaper.
"That he is," I agree as I look at Hannah who now also has a glass of orange juice. "Do you want to get a shower first?" I ask her. I knew that one day, Hannah, Jonathan and I would have to come to a bathroom schedule but for now things seem to be okay the way they are.
Hannah sips on her orange juice and raises an eyebrow, "You sure you would be okay with that?" she asks me as if she is doubting my question.
"I'll be fine with it," I nod and give her a smile. "Honestly, I don't mind waiting today," I tell her hoping I said as sincere as my words. Today was a Monday and I want to still be lazy and prolong my getting to work.
"Then I will go first," Hannah replies as she finishes off her orange juice and puts the glass in the sink. "I won't be long," she says as she leaves the kitchen in a hurry.
I can't help but laugh as I watch Hannah leave in a hurry. Getting to the kitchen table, I have just set my glass down when I hear the phone ring.
"Who the hell is calling this early?" Jonathan asks as he furrows his brow and stands from the table, deciding to be the one to get the phone this time.
I sit down and shrug, "Who knows? Probably some telemarketer," I say rolling my eyes. Lately we had been getting calls from tons of them it seemed. Taking a few drinks of my orange juice, I watch Jonathan talk for a few seconds with whoever is on the phone. When he turns to face me I raise an eyebrow.
Jonathan chews his lip as he turns and holds the phone out to me, "It's your mom Avery," he whispers as he frowns. "She sounds really upset."
Hearing that my mom was on the other end, I feel my heart begin to beat in my chest when Jonathan says she sounds upset. I stand from the table, feeling like the walk to the phone was the longest walk I have ever taken. The whole way there I keep wondering if something has happened to my dad. That is the only reason I could see my mother being so upset and calling at six in the morning Tulsa time.
When I reach the phone, I take the receiver from Jonathan and chew on my lip, "Hello," I say feeling my heart hammering even faster in my chest now.
"Avery," my mom says once she hears my voice on the line. "I...I...I have some bad news," she stutters at first and it sounds like she is trying to fight back tears.
I just frown at her voice. It sounds like she has been crying for awhile, heck it sounds like she is still crying. "What is it?" I ask afraid of just what the bad news was. I almost feel sick to my stomach waiting on my mother's answer.
I hear her pause briefly and I know in my gut she is trying to keep herself composed long enough to tell me whatever it is.
"Zac is dead," she says just getting to the point. "Kate found him at the office overnight. He shot himself in the head," she speaks again, her voice breaking at her last words.
I go silent after my mother's words. Zac is dead. The guy I had been talking about minutes earlier. He is gone and never coming back. This has to be a really bad dream.
"You're lying mom," I say hoping that this was just some sick and twisted joke that my family had cooked up.
"I wish I were Avie baby," my says again and I can hear her start crying again. "K..Kate is going to the funeral home sometime today to make arrangements. I'll call you when I know them so you can come home," she sighs and then I hear the phone go dead.
Once the phone goes dead I just stand there still holding onto the receiver for what seems like the longest time. Finally though, I drop the receiver as I fall to the floor, watching as the phone's receiver just dangles in the air.
Everything just feels too much like a dream for it to be real. Zac can't be dead. My older brother hasn't committed suicide.
Ave?" Jonathan asks as he walks from where he had been standing in the kitchen, to where I now sit on the floor. "Are you okay?"
I turn my head and look at Jonathan, trying to find the words to say to tell him what I have just found out. Instead I am only able to shake my head as I feel tears coming down my cheeks. When did I start to cry?
Jonathan frowns and bends down to me, pulling me to him as I cry more, "You'll be okay, whatever it is," he reassures me as he rubs my back.
"No," I whisper finally able to talk. "I won't be okay," I mutter in between sobs. "Zac is dead," I finally confess as I bury my head in Jonathan's neck. "He shot himself at the office last night.
Jonathan holds me closer as he continues to rub my back but he doesn't say anything. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say right now so he is just staying silent and letting me cry.
I just cry harder now and close my eyes, wanting so badly to wake up and find out this is a dream but I know deep down it isn't. I know deep down Zac is really dead. That he has actually committed suicide.
After awhile I pull away from Jonathan's embrace and wipe at my eyes. "I need to call in for work and then pack," I say trying to compose myself long enough to do both of those things. "I need my brother back," I mutter as I turn away from Jonathan and walk to my room, new tears coming down my cheeks.
The whole walk to my room I have an ache in my chest. An ache I can't describe nor can I get rid of. I, Avery Laurel Hanson am not sure just how I will cope now that I have lost Zac. He was the one person who had been my rock. The one person I had wound up hurting the most as well.
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