I lay in bed the next morning, still sleeping off being up so late last night because of the damn holiday. That was the one down side to New Years I thought. It always made you sleepy. Hearing a knock on the door, I woke up and opened my eyes, making a face as I try to adjust to the sun coming through my room.
Sitting up in bed, I raise an eyebrow when I see Zac standing in my door way, "What are you doing here?" I ask him as I blush some, remembering last night. All the things he had done to me. All the things I now wanted him to do to me.
Zac enters my room and I watch as he shuts the door behind him. "We need to talk about last night," he says and I can tell from the tone in his voice this conversation isn't going to be good.
"Okay," I mutter as I watch him sit down at the end of my bed. My heartbeat is beating so fast and hard in my chest.
Zac runs a hand through his hair and I hear a faint sigh come from him. "It was wrong," he says as he looks over at me. "I took advantage of you and I'm sorry."
At his words, I frown. He feels like he took advantage of me, when I clearly don't think he did. "But you didn't," I tell him as I reach out for his hand but he moves it away from my reach. "I wanted to fool around you with you."
"But I did take advantage of you Avie," Zac says as he shakes his head. "I'm twenty-one and your sixteen. I should have stopped myself. Hell you know if Taylor hadn't walked in we would have done more than fool around," he admits. "I would have had sex with you."
I shake my head at his words, "I wouldn't have minded if we had sex," I say honestly knowing how bad it sounds. "But I guess I get where you are coming from," I shrug sadly knowing he has a point. It's not just because of our ages that we shouldn't have had sex. We are related and it's sex and wrong.
Zac smiles when I tell him that I understand, "I was afraid you wouldn't have understood."
"Well I did," I smile back sadly. It hurts me to admit. It hurts because I know what is coming next. He is going to tell me it won't happen again.
Seeing him look down at his hands, I sigh bracing myself. "I...we really shouldn't do it again," he says confirming what I knew. "I think it would be best if we tried to avoid being alone together for the time being. At least until you are old enough to not have some silly crush on me," he nods before standing from the bed.
At his words, I frown, "So you didn't mean it when you said you had a crush on me?" I ask as I raise me eyebrow, staying on the bed.
He shakes his head no and I'm sure I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces right then and there. "I..I was just horny," he mutters as he walks away from the bed and doesn't even look at me as he leaves.
After he leaves, I break down crying and fall back. It's sad and pathetic that Zac has broken my heart. He has ripped it right out of me. He did just use me. He used me for his own selfish needs and I, well I was pathetic and let him.
Crying harder, I close my eyes and drift back off into a restless sleep for a few more hours. When I wake up again though, my eyes feel puffy and I know I probably look like shit.
Getting out of the bed, I hurry to get dressed, deciding I just need something to do, anything to do to get my mind off things. After I am dressed, I find my cell phone and dial up Daniel listening as the phone rings.
"Hello," a voice comes through after the second ring.
I smile, hearing Daniel's voice, "Hey Daniel," I say to him as I chew my lip. "I umm was wondering if I could come over to your house for awhile. Today has just been kind of crappy and I need something to get my mind off things.
"Avie you can always come over," he says and I hear the truth in his words.
I nod, "Okay, I'll be there soon," I say before hanging up the phone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several hours pass by once that I am at Daniel's house. Hours that are spent getting into his parents alcohol stash. His parents are out of town for the week so he didn't think it would be a problem. I should have objected, I wasn't even sure If I liked alcohol. I only sipped on it on a few occasions before now.
"Fuck, Daniel," I say as I sit on his couch and look around the room. "I really need to get going but your living room is spinning way too much for me to even move," I laugh as I lay my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes hoping that will help but as soon as I open them again, the room is still spinning.
Daniel just laughs at my words, "The room isn't spinning but I feel kind of sick," he says as he makes a face.
I laugh at that then and move my head slightly, "You better not fucking puke on me," I tell him as I death glare him playfully which makes him smile.
"You are too pretty for me to puke on Avie," he says before he leans in and kisses me on the lips.
The feel of his lips on mine is shocking and jarring and I pull away from him, frowning, "I..I can't," I mutter shaking my head. It's not that I can't kiss him back, it's the fact that I don't want to kiss him back. I don't want to kiss anyone except Zac but that won't be happening anymore.
Finally deciding to brave the spinning room, I stand up and walk outside to the porch. Reaching for my cell phone, I sit on the stairs and search my contacts for someone to call. I need to get home but I know I am too drunk to drive right now.
Running past Zac's number, I chew on my lip and hit it against my better adjustment. Putting the phone against my ear I wait for an answer.
After four rings I finally hear someone answer the phone but say nothing.
"Zac," I tell him letting him know I can hear his breathing. "I need a favor from you. I'm drunk and at Daniel's house. I need a ride back home," I tell him hoping he will speak to me.
I hear him sigh on the other end, "I'll be there soon," he says before hanging up.
When he hangs up, I turn my cell off and slip it back in the pocket of my jeans, deciding to stay out here on the porch. It's safe because Daniel hasn't followed me. I don't want to explain to him why I can't kiss him because I know with this much to drink I'd probably tell the truth about Zac and what all has happened.
I look down at the stairs as I wait for Zac to get to Daniel's house. I know he said he would be here soon but right now it just seems like hours. Hearing a car pull into the drive way finally I look up and smile seeing Zac's car.
Standing from the step, I feel the whole world spin and take a few deep breaths before walking to the car. I open the door once I make it there and get in the passenger side. As I buckle up I see Zac make a face.
"God Avery, how much did you drink? You reek of alcohol," he mutters as he pulls out of the driveway.
I shrug and look out the window, "I lost count after five," I confess knowing that he will probably lecture me about it. Maybe I should have called Isaac instead. He is the resident Hanson lush.
Zac instead doesn't lecture me, he just turns on the car radio and I make a face hearing rap music come through the stereo. "I don't like you getting drunk," he tells me over the music.
I laugh at his words and shake my head, "I don't like being used either," I spit out choosing to let him have the anger he deserves from me.
"Avie," Zac says or more like yells my name, "I...it's not like that."
I glare as I listen to his words, "Then tell me what it is like?" I ask him before looking out my window. "What is it if you didn't use me?"
"I care for you," he sighs and I just stay looking out the window. If he cared for me he wouldn't have hurt me.
After his words the rest of our ride back home is in silence. I have nothing more I really want to say to him. As I unbuckle and reach to open the car door, I hear him clear his throat and I look at him wondering what he wants to say.
"I'll have someone bring your car home tomorrow. If mom and dad ask just lie and say it's at my house," he smiles as he rattles off the lie he wants me to tell our parents.
I nod my head and start to get out until I feel Zac take a firm hold of my wrist and pull me back in and closer to him. Staring into his eyes, I feel scared almost because of the dark look in his eyes. "Don't fucking kiss anyone else either," he whispers his voice low and harsh. "Your smugeded lipstick has made me jealous the whole car ride."
I'm about to respond to him but before I can, I feel his lips on mine and I just sigh against as his lips as I kiss him back. Did he just forget hours earlier that he told me we couldn't do things like this again?
As we kiss, he tightens his grip in my wrist. This kiss is the roughest one he has given me. He is biting my lip so hard that I swear he is going to draw blood.
Pulling away after awhile, I look at him confused, "What happened to not doing that again?" I ask curious.
"I never said I couldn't steal a goodbye kiss before we stopped," he shrugs and flashes me that grin of his I love. "Now get inside."
Getting out of the car, I shut the door and walk to our front porch, watching Zac drive away. As he does I am left feeling more confused and just a bit more used than I was before. What right does Zac have to stop what we have yet tell me not kiss anyone else?
I go inside and up to my room. As I walk the stairs, I know I will listen to him. I can't tell him no. I can't go against what he wants me to do.